Just Live A Little

Dear Family and Friends,

It has been five full days since my surgery and this is the first time I have opened the computer. I have checked e-mail on my iTouch, but as far as actually getting on-line and connecting with the cyber world out there in computer land this is a first. I have just been super tired, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Nevertheless, I thought it was about time to say hello, thanks for all your prayers and well wishes and give a little update.

So here goes…

When I woke up from the surgery on Saturday morning, with the mask still covering my face I asked the nurse “Do I have a tube?” The sheets were up around my neck and I couldn’t see anything when I tried to look down. She looked at me funny so I asked again “Do I have a tube?” She shook her head no. I remember grabbing the mask and asking repeatedly “Are you sure I don’t have a tube? Are you sure?” Clearly, the nurse was not interested in the tube that didn’t exist… I breathed a sigh of relief and gave thanks to God. This meant that the cancer had not spread to my lymph system.

Pretty much this was my prayer. That I would not wake up with a tube draining out of my arm. Based on the info the surgeon had given us regarding what they saw when they looked at the aggressive nature of my cancer cells we had been prepped to expect that the cancer had spread. So this was my miracle… no tube.

The past several days have been taxing. I am tired in a way I have not ever been before. Eric and I are staying with my aunt (and uncle), who is the most amazing of caretakers. I have been pretty spoiled here to say the least. The kids are staying with my parents, which is wonderful for them, but obviously exhausting for my poor mom. This will be our life until my scar heals and I can lift the baby and until we get into our home, which is expected to close on the 16^th. Just 8 more days to go!!! It is tiring to go back and forth to see the kids, but this arrangement does allow me to rest while living the life of royalty. (Seriously, I am in a princess bed and I love it!)

Not only is this physically tiring but also mentally exhausting. As you can imagine there are many thoughts that flood your mind when you find out you have cancer and that in 1 week you will be in surgery. They gave me a pretty purple bag containing about 5 inches of material to read about cancer and I have a book on nutrition that I want to read. So far, I have read a People magazine featuring all the details of Kim Kardashian’s wedding (important stuff) and have been maintaining 21 games of Words With Friends. (Did you know that they will only let you play 21 games… then you have to wait for games to end to open new games?) My mind is flooded and I have not even begun to learn about this new life. I am overwhelmed with how my kids are handling this change of living with Grandma and Pops and being gentle around ‘mommy’s sore’. And there are other things on my mind too. I am heavy hearted as Eric and I had agreed that if the lump was not cancerous we would try to have another baby this fall… but it is, so we won’t. Is my family complete? Really? I guess there is just a lot going on in my mind as we plan for the future.

I did receive an encouraging phone call from the surgeon today. He confirmed that after additional testing the lymph node defiantly is clean, meaning the cancer had not spread. This is very good news if we are dealing with breast cancer. He said that they size of the tumor was 1.6 x 1.2 x 0.9 which means it falls in Stage 1 category. This is huge as the ultrasound showed that it was much larger and before surgery we had thought we were possibly dealing with a Stage 3 tumor. So, this is great if we are dealing with breast cancer. He also said he got a good margin surrounding the full circumference of the tumor, which is good, if this is breast cancer. So the question remains… is this breast cancer? He said the cells have ‘features that don’t quite fit perfectly’ with the way breast cancer cells should look. Apparently, there is still the possibility that another type of cancer just decided to grow behind my breast. So next week I will likely go through several scans and tests to further determine what we are dealing with. So yes, it was a good phone call… but I am still waiting and anxious to find out exactly what kind of cancer has invaded my body.

We have the post-op appointment next Tuesday and then we meet with the oncologist on Wednesday. It will be at the oncology meeting that they will decide my route of treatment. As we hear stories after stories of people’s cancer and treatment, or not needing treatment, or needing radiation but not chemo, or just changing diet, or surgery was all they needed (etc.) I am realizing that cancer is a whole lot like having a baby. Everyone has a story they want to share with you and everyone wants to tell you how they (or someone they know) did it was best. And since I have gone through 3 different birthing experiences, and I can testify that they are each as different as apples and oranges from each other, I know that my treatment plan will be unique to me and my mystery cells. I am eagerly waiting to hear what my doctor has to say about our plan of attack. Count down to next Wednesday!

I don’t really have anything profound to end with tonight. So here’s a dare… go hug someone extra tight or whisper something sweet in that special persons ear or sneak into your kids room while they are sleeping and take a mind picture. Just live a little!

Final artwork. Love it! Thanks Ladies!!!

P.S. Had to share this with you all…

While I was in surgery Saturday morning, our friend Stacy Haustein was participating in ‘Chalk It Up Sacramento’ at Fremont Park. Stacy, being one of the sweetest people on the planet, had lovingly decided to dedicate her square to me. She enlisted the help of a professional artist, our friend Sandi Padilla, who helped design sidewalk square. The shield stands for my name (Kelly), which means ‘warrior’, there is a pink ribbon with my initials, and the dove is carrying a nasturtium flower, which symbolizes ‘victory’. The original verse was "But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,' declares the LORD..." Jer. 30:17 and I believe the Hebrew reads: To God be the Glory!

We went down to the park Sunday night to see the artwork. Just amazing! Thanks so much Stacy and Sandi!!!

Stacy 'chalking' it up!

Stacy & Sandi with the
original design.