Conquering Stage Fright - Survivor Speech - Relay for Life 2013

Dear Friends and Family, 

Thank you again for all your support, encouragement and donations toward the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life. I am happy to report that despite insane nerves and anxiety I delivered my speech and was even told by a few people that I did a good job. The ACS gal told me not to be surprised when they call me to speak again... who knows, maybe a side career of speaking is in my future. (Imagine icon of terrified face here. I was a ball of nerves before I started speaking... but it all worked out just fine.)

My baby brother (the big guy next to me), his wife
and their 3 children. My parents, and of course my
little ballerina and superhero.

In the audience (of about 600 people) there were several special people that I would like to thank for coming out to support me. My parents came out (even though my mom is/was going through chemotherapy), my brother and his family, my friend Samantha who also scooped free ice cream for the survivors donated by Leatherby's Family Creamery, my friends Rita, Erica, Jeff and Lolly (who is also going through treatment right now for appendix cancer) and a friend that I made while going to radiation Jane. And of course, my hubby and kids were there to cheer on mommy!

Before I share my speech, I also want to thank those who made donations to ACS. The luminary bags that decorated the track were beautiful. I tried to get pictures of all of them, however I am pretty sure that most of my group of donated bags were actually hanging up creating the word "Love", so I wasn't able to get close enough to photograph them. 

Thank you to the following friends  for your generous donations. I was able to raise $340 with the help of the following supporters:

This bag was dedicated to my mom.
They had misspelled her name so I
had Nathan redo it for her.
Makes it even more special.

Al & Carroll Amator

Annette Hicks

Sally Finkbeiner

Samantha Cox

Chanel Schrier

Bob & Pat Montgomery

Jay & Danielle Joost & Family 

Emily Brown

Joni and Glen Kelley

Jennifer Buwala

Casey & Eileen Randall

Rod & Diane Fendall

Tim & Elizabeth Driessen

Anonymous  

Okay, here's my speech: 

2013 Relay for Life Survivor Speech

I hate my hair.

It used to be long and straight and shiny. It used to be dark. I have no idea what color my hair is now & why is the bottom part curly and the top flat?

But you now what?

I looked good bald.

My husband and kids loved me even though I was bald. And although the cancer treatment took my hair, it did not take my HOPE.

In 2011 the luminary bags at the end of this track read: HOPE

Last year they read: Faith

And tonight, they read: Love

You see, when it comes down to it, there are three things in this life that endure, faith, hope and love. Tonight we celebrate love.

As a community we stand together tonight in a bond of love. We will walk this track united in love. And we will continue the fight against this nasty disease called cancer in the name of love.

Love for someone dear to your heart that has left this earth too soon.

Love for someone who is an inspiration of hope and courage. Someone currently battling against cancer and determined to win the fight.

Or love for a survivor who has taken a lickin… but has decided to keep on tickin.

Love unites us. And love is the reason we will fight and walk and fundraise and hope and pray and keep fighting until there is a cure for cancer.

Did you know that thanks to the research by money raised by the American Cancer Society  2 out of 3 people are surviving cancer for at least five years. But we can't be silent, or stop fighting or stop fundraising until that number is 3 out of 3.

And this is where your love comes in. Tonight we, as a community, demonstrate our love, by walking this track in honor of all who touched by this disease. For cancer does not sleep, so tonight neither will we.

Please let me to share a little bit of my cancer story:

My story begins on a regular morning in the shower while, like a good American woman, I was shaving my armpits. I felt something on my right side next to my breast. Thinking it was a bug bite I went to itch it and realized that what I was feeling was deep under my skin. I gave myself a self-exam and knew instantly that this lump was new and needed to be checked out.

When the nurse touched my lump she jumped back and sent me to get a mammogram and ultrasound. Under and hour later I sat alone in her office as she told me that she didn’t like what the image was showing and I should have a biopsy. She gave up her lunch break and did the core biopsy right then. One week later she called me to tell me that the biopsy was negative but she didn’t believe it She thought the results were a false negative and she was ordering another biopsy. I went in the next week… the doctor took 30 samples from the lump and the next day I got a call that changed my life.

The day I found out I had cancer will never be erased from my memory. I was

at my aunt's house feeding my 15-month-old daughter in the high chair when the phone rang. I stepped over my 4-year-old son to go into the bedroom to answer the phone. As the doctor told me about the results of my biopsy, that I had Triple Negative Breast Cancer, I calmly took notes and thanked him kindly for the horrible news. I remember telling my aunt I had an aggressive form of cancer, asked her to watch the kids and then drove to my husbands work.

When he started crying, I started crying. Those were my first of many  tears.

I was 34 years old.

Shocked.

Scared.

And went from feeling like I had all the time in the world, to feeling like a clock had started ticking with a countdown.

Something I have learned though, is that if you let it, fear will rule your life. I’m not going to act like it wasn’t easy, but I eventually decided that love is greater than fear and I would choose to love life, and my family, and myself and that I wouldn’t let cancer steal my spirit.

Love is the fuel for life.

Love makes our life worth livng… and that statement is true even without cancer.

In the following 10 months, I went through 16 chemotherapy treatments and then 30 radiation sessions. I’m not going to lie. It was awful. The first 10 weeks I felt like I had the worst flu ever.

Turning on the lights hurt my eyes.

People talking hurt my head.

My bones hurt from the inside out.

And on many days taking a shower was the main event of the day.

But amongst the pain of chemotherapy there was also abundant love.

My husband Eric loved me so well. He became caretaker, nurse, prayer warrior and stepped in to the missing role of mommy for our babies. He stepped outside of himself to love me beyond words.

My 4 year old son Nathan had the job of bringing me water. At least 4 times a day he would trek up the stairs with a fresh bottle of water. It was his job to keep me healthy with a fresh drink and he took that job with incredible seriousness. That little boy loved me more than I could have thought possible.

And my baby girl Leah, at only 1 year old, loved me with cuddles and kisses and hugs. Her simple presence oozed with life and love.

Friends and family loved me, actually they loved my family, with meals, watching the kids, fundraising, cleaning my home… and so many other unique and special ways.

And while I know that not all of you will understand this, the love of my God, gave me comfort and peace in a way I had never experienced.  You see, when all you have to do with your day is lay in bed, all alone, silent and in pain… praying turns into deep, real, honest, open conversation. And folks, the depth of those talks with God became my strength and courage. And my ability to love back.

Today, nearly a year after treatment has finished; when people ask me how I feel I always answer “I’m still standing.” You see, my view of life and love has been forever changed and I am now in a place where everyday today matters more than any other day. Because today I have been given the gift of breath. And today is a day I can love on my children. Every day is a gift and to treat it than less than a gift would be to waste one of the lessons that cancer has taught me.

Last year, at the 2012 Relay for Life, although I was still going through radiation I came out and walked. For me it was 24 hours of declaring victory on the other side of cancer. I wore my survivor shirt with pride.

This year, I fundraised in the name of the many women that I have encountered and become friends with that have has been diagnosed with cancer in this past year. My prayer list now includes my dear friend Lolly, Julie, Kristin and sadly, my mom, Kris. In March my mom was diagnosed with the same nasty Triple Negative Breast Cancer that I had. She is half way through her treatment. She is determined to win. And she is an example of joy in all circumstances and taking this awful hiccup in life with grace.

With cancer in my past, yet still totally in my present, I have decided that  I really wanted to give back to the American Cancer Society. You see, the day before I went into surgery for my lumpectomy, I made the call to the American Cancer Society. A kind woman answered the phone and took my information. We talked for close to an hour, and I’m sure she would have talked to me for 4 hours if I needed it. She shared about the financial assistance they had for transportation costs to patients that needed help in driving to treatment. They also had volunteers available to drive me to treatments if I needed it. They had classes & support groups, online and at various hospitals. She even mentioned a class called 'Look Good, Feel Better' where I could learn to do make-up around my eyes and how to draw on eyebrows after my eyelashes and eyebrows fell out. She was honest and clear. I felt supported and understood.

After my 2nd chemotherapy treatment and my hair had fallen out I went to the 'Look Good, Feel Better' class. At the class, I sat with 6 other women who were going through treatment too. One of the older ladies scolded me for not wearing my facemask. My husband had been telling me I needed to wear it, but when this fellow cancer patient spoke, I somehow understood the need to take responsibility for my immune system and myself. We put on make-up, they showed us different wigs, and head wraps offered by ACS and the volunteers handed out crocheted beanies. We were given a bag of make-up donated by a variety of cosmetic companies throughout the country. Everyone teaching the class had experienced hair loss and had gone through chemo treatment. In that room,

I was normal.

Those services were the direct result of the love of our community at events like Relay for Life. Yes, the efforts of this event actually reach real cancer patients right here in Elk Grove. So on behalf of patients and survivors… I thank you for loving us.

As we walk together tonight and you remember those who are hidden deep in our hearts, or you celebrate a survivor, or you find yourself praying for healing for someone currently at battle, remember that love is what unites us tonight.

(Halie enter the stage.)

Tonight we have a very special young lady with us that I would like to introduce. Her name is Halie McKinney and she is a very mature and wise 10 year old. The kind of special child that has a heart to change the world with her kindness. Halie’s life has been touched by cancer multiple times over the past several years. She had and aunt who past away in 2010 of lung cancer, a cousin at the age of 25 in 2011 from testicular cancer and another aunt in 2012 from breast cancer. Last year at the San Leandro Relay for Life she donated her hair to an organization making wigs for cancer patients. And last February she started saving money for a little boy that she knew who had cancer but he has since past away. She put all of her birthday money, tooth fairy money, recycling money and even had a garage sale last weekend with donated items in order to fill her donation jar. Tonight Halie would like to officially make a donation to the American Cancer Society in honor and memory of those she knew that have been taken too soon.

Halie, how much are you donating?

(Let Halie answer.) ($1,000)

Folks, this young lady, 10 year old Halie McKinney, is a great example of love. She has sacrificed and worked work hard to raise money that will bless the lives of people that she has never nor will ever meet. She is demonstrating that love lives beyond the grave and that not even death can stop love. Love conquers all… love wins.

And love never fails.

Thank you. 

______________________________________________________________

Wow.... if you made it this far your a super duper faithful friend! Thanks for reading. 

I'm Still Standing! - Relay for Life 2013

Dear Friends and Family:

Relay for Life 2012
Last year I participated in Relay for Life
 during my last round of chemotherapy.
What a great day of victory!

Well, a year has passed since I finished chemotherapy when people ask how I feel, I always respond "Well, I'M STILL STANDING!!!!" It has been a long year of recovery, finding strength and mentally deciding to live for the day and future and not to live in a place of fear. This year I have been asked to help on the Elk Grove Relay for Life Committee and I have taken on the job of volunteer chair. I was also asked to be the special survivor speaker at the Luminary Ceremony. The Luminary Ceremony is the special ceremony held the night of relay where the field is lit with paper bags aglow that outline the track. After the ceremony portion and my speech, all in attendance will walk the track in a lap of silence. We will then walk a second lap with bagpipes playing "Amazing Grace." It is a humbling, sober time to say the least. The bags outlining the field have been donated in memory and in honor of thse who had battled and fought this nasty disease. 

Last year you, my friends and family, supported me so incredibly that I actually won the top fundraiser award. While all I actually won was a paper certificate... in my heart was the reality that you all supported and loved me in a way that earned $ for a cause close to my heart and an organization that I truly believe makes a difference in the life of cancer patients. (Feel free to read my story from 2012 to see how the American Cancer Society impacted me as a patient: 2012 Relay for Life Letter)

This year I ask, that you would consider making a $10 donation by dedicating a luminary bag to someone that you knew who lost their battle with cancer or in honor of someone you know who is fighting or has won the battle. What? You don't know anyone???? Then could I ask if you could make a donation in honor of my mom, Kris Randall, who is currently in the middle of chemotherapy for Triple Negative breast cancer. My mom was diagnosed this past March with the same nasty, aggressive cancer that I had. She is halfway through treatment and fighting hard. There is nothing more that I would love to walk the track in silence, seeing her name decorating the field, and knowing that every bag with her name on it is a bag of hope, prayers and wishes for her recovery.

The middle orange button on my fundraising page gives the option to dedicate a luminaria. Please be sure to add a message of love and encouragement for her and I will be sure to give her the message. 
Here's a link to my fundraising page: Kelly Joppa Relay for Life 2013

Thank you again for your love, support and encouragement. This will be a very special Relay for Life for me... as survivor and in celebrating a year of reflection of God's healing hand and the power of love, prayer and hope. 

Much love,

Kelly

PS - I've been really lame at blogging... but I promise to post my speech on my blog so that you can all share in the evening.

Tiny Steps Toward Trusting God

I have been a bit quiet lately. However, my excuse is that we have been insanely busy this summer. I am having a desire to write more consistently (about more than cancer stuff) and, by the encouragement of so many of you, try to turn this blog into a book of some sort. We’ll see what can happen if I attempt to be a little more structured and focused with my time. In the meantime, here’s the lowdown of events over the past few weeks, each of which I could write an entire post about… but instead I’ll just throw out few blurbs.

Leah blowing out the candles on her 10 ft banana split!

• Leah turned two years old on June 29th! We celebrated with a 10 foot banana split (made in a rain gutter). It is so cool seeing the lightbulb click in a child's head when they realize the party is for them and that people are there to celebrate their birthday. In her quiet sweetness she just loved being the center of attention. I love birthday parties!!!

• We went camping at Half Moon Bay for a few days. The trip was a complete blast while we hung out with some of our dear friends and enjoyed a day of playing at the beach. We witnessed a couple as they got engaged on the beach and in true paparazzi form I snagged my camera and took a ton of pictures of them celebrating and embracing. Last week I sent them the pictures and it has struck up a sort of sweet e-mail friendship… kinda cool.

• Started back to work at Leatherby’s at the new location, which is about 5 minutes from our house. I’ll be managing a couple nights a week which will allow Eric to care for the kids while I make a little extra $ and get to be outside of the home a bit. The store is crazy busy and man did my feet hurt after that first night, but what a fun time I had! It took about 30 minutes for everything to come back to me… like I never left. I’m quite grateful for this opportunity to “go home” and had fun while working.

• Went to a bridal shower for a friend from elementary school that I hadn’t seen in nearly 20 years. She actually lives in Europe, but we have reunited via FaceBook. It was fun to see several faces from the past but the best part of the day was to see the extreme excitement and joy that she oozed with when she spoke of her future husband.

• My garden is flourishing. The tomatoes taste like candy. Cucumbers, zucchini, squash, strawberries… they are all starting to produce wildly which is such a rewarding feeling. I also went blackberry picking with my girlfriend as we plan to make jams later this summer. Love the beauty of dancing with nature and reaping a harvest from the earth.

• The infection I wrote about last week actually turned out to be a KIDNEY STONE! At one point, I thought that perhaps I was going to end up on that bizarre show “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant.” Talk about pain… geez. I’ll still contend that natural childbirth is more painful, but at least when you have a kid you know that it will be over at some point. Once it passed I felt/feel like a million bucks. I really think it was getting in my way of feeling better after radiation finished. If I never experience a kidney stone again it will be too soon!

• We went in for my 3 months oncology follow-up appointment. Here’s the story of the events that followed:

A few weeks ago, I met with my oncologist for my 1^st follow-up appointment. I will need to see him every 3 months for the next 3 years, with mammograms once a year (the next one is scheduled for August.) We talked about how I was feeling, which at the time was still very tired, and about how it will take several months to get back to full strength. He checked me out and then I wanted him to look at a lump I had found above my armpit. I had shown it to him a few months ago, and due to the location, he wasn’t concerned. He said it not in the right place for a lymph node and was likely just a pocket of fat, which is apparently common as women begin to age. But this time when he touched it he agreed that it had grown in size and should be checked out. This is how the conversation went:

Dr.: “Yes, that has grown. Who was your surgeon?”

Me: “Dr. SuperCool in Roseville.”

Dr.: “That’s right. You had surgery in Roseville. Are you comfortable moving to a surgeon here?”

Me: “Sure.”

Dr.: “Okay, I’m going to schedule an ultrasound.”

And that was it. He looked through some paperwork, wrote down some notes, and then said goodbye. Eric and I sat there silently. Of course Eric tried to assure me that everything was fine, but all I could think of was “Wait… I was supposed to leave here clean. Am I clean? What just happened?”

About 20 minutes later, I received a call from radiology to schedule the ultrasound. They gave me the first appointment for the following Monday. Two business days later. One of the good things about being an oncology patient is that you get crazy fast service. A downside is that when people are crazy fast, your mind goes straight to being scared and wondering why you are getting such fast service.

The following 4 days were heavy. I spent 3 days in a trace-like constant prayer state and then most of Sunday as a crazy ragging psycho. Let’s just say the fact Eric didn’t kick me out of the house that day is a testament to his loving patience. I am pretty sure that in those 4 days I cried harder and more than in the 10 months of treatment combined. Talk about stress and fear. To have finished treatment and think that possibly what we had just gone through didn’t even matter. I was a wreck.

On Monday morning, we went in for the ultrasound. They scanned the area, examined the lump, and determined that it is just a cyst. Due to the location, it is most likely an ingrown hair, which has created a pocket (yeah… not even fat.) They said we don’t need to do anything unless it grows and becomes annoying. I wonder if their not wanting to pull it out has anything to do with it being on my surgery side and not wanting to create more scar tissue in that area? I’ll be sure to ask at my next appointment.

So… it was a super scary time where I really felt pushed beyond control of my emotions and fear. I didn’t realize that I had that much fear stored up inside of me. But God is good and he took me somewhere great in the midst of that fear. He took me to a place of surrender. A place of surrendering my children to Him.

Nathan (5 yrs) showing his T-Rex hands and
Leah (2 yrs) just being her sweet self.

Let me explain. In the Protestant Christian culture, it is a tradition/rite that when our children are infants we do what is called a “Baby Dedication.” (We save baptism until the child is older and able to make that choice on their own in their own time.) At this ceremony a pastor will pray over the child and the parents and “dedicate” the baby to God and commission the parents as they publicly declare and commit to raising the child in a Christ centered, church attending, God fearing home. Eric and I had chosen to do hold this event at the 1^st birthday parties of both of our kids with special pastor friends offering the blessings.

But on the day before the ultrasound, as I lay trying to take a nap next to Leah, my tears flowed and I was overwhelmed with so many thoughts and fears for my kids futures. As a mom, you can understand that much of my time laying in bed during chemo was spent worrying about my children. Thinking (worrying) about what would happen to my kids if I didn’t make it. Dwelling over what kind of video journals I want to make (have you seen the movie 'My Life' with Nicole Kidman and Michael Keaton? Box of tissues required!). Should I make the movies now or later (do I wait till I really get sick)? Who will help Leah sell Girl Scout cookies? Who will sew on her badges? Will she even be signed up for Girl Scouts? Will the kids hair be combed for picture day? Will their lunches have sweet encouraging notes inside? Will Eric know to cut oranges for soccer into wedges so that they can be orange smiles? Will he sign them up for soccer? He better sign them up for soccer!!!! Who will take Leah to buy her 1^st bra? Who will… what will… how will…? Thinking about and planning a future where you may not be there is numbing.

Anyways, in the midst of those racing thoughts I was met with the quiet whisper of God reminding me that my children are not mine… but they belong to Him. That he has trusted me with them for a time, but ultimately he is their Father and He will meet and care for their every need. While my human nature and thoughts are normal, the quietness reminded me that I had dedicated my babies to the Lord already and it was time to believe that He is enough.

I’ll be the first to admit that this act of trust is easier said than done. Nevertheless, I am finding that the tiny steps toward trusting God are bigger than choosing not to take any steps at all.

Peace and love.

July 2012 - Half Moon Bay

A Great Week... A Great Breakthorugh

Throughout the past year, I have had numerous people ask me how my kids were dealing with everything. In general, my answer has been that Leah is oblivious and Nathan has been a trooper. This week my boy finally broke and shared his heart.

But first… the good stuff.

We spent last week on vacation! A real, escape from life, family getaway. We had a blast visiting our awesome friends, the McAwesome crew, at their home in Northern California between the tiny towns of Fall River Mills and Burney. They live in a magical place where if you look to the north you see Mt. Shasta, to the south you see Mt. Lassen and to the west you see Mt. Burney. This is what I saw each morning when I opened the RV door.

Mount Shasta, California  

Still wonder why this is our new favorite vacation destination?

Let me just highlight, by family member, a few of the great things that we got to do during the week.

Pretty in Pink

Leah

• Our baby grew up this week. While she may technically be turning two this Friday, she has taken on the independence of a 4 year old. That little girl kept up with the older kids like nobody’s business.
• In sitting at the bar with the “big kids” (not in a high chair), Leah learned to swallow her food last week. If you have ever seen the girl eat, you know what I am talking about. She usually chews it up, sucks out the juice/nutrients, and then spits out the bulk. This sort of twisted baby eating disorder has finally been cured and we could not be more proud.
• She conquered her fear of water and proved to be a true water baby. Floating on her back is her favorite. The girl is a fish.
• She fell in love with their baby kitten and little teacup shiatsu. Poor animals could not hide fast enough. You would have thought she was a mama cat by how she carried the kitten around by the scruff of her neck. Let’s say the girl loved the kitten too much!

Nathan

Nathan and Daddy
caught a fish!!!

• 6 days in the spa for at least 4 hours a day. Raisin fingers… happy boy.
• If it is possible to have a forever friend at 5 years old, I do believe Nathan can officially say he has found his. “Superman” (6 yrs old) and “Spunky” (4 yrs old) are the kind of friends we will keep for life. Nathan has decided he wants to marry Spunky… and we are all completely fine with his choice. What a amazing time to watch my son find friendship at such a young age.
• Tape. Tape and paper. Tape and paper and pens. If they were not in the spa the kids were drawing. Bliss.
• Nathan had a great time with his dad. They caught a fish in the stream and had a blast golfing. Here is a pic of his stance/swing. Eric says his swing  is near perfect… I don’t know enough about golf to argue. Love watching my boy and his dad share such amazing bonding moments.

The kid looooooooooves golf.

Eric

• The man shot at clay pigeons and was an all-star. There were only about 10 left and I watched him hit 7 in a row.
• Golf. He was able to go twice in one week and had a blast. As much as this habit can drive me crazy, I love how he comes home from a round relaxed and content.
• The boys had the amazing opportunity to go fly-fishing on the Fall River during the hex-hatch. Basically this means they went out on the river at sundown during the time that a special mayfly hatches and the fish go crazy jumping out of the water trying to snatch the flies. My man caught a 17 inch 2+lb rainbow trout! Happy, happy husband!!!

Me

• I followed Mrs. Awesome around and learned a ton about gardening. She sent me home with a pallet of divided flowers that I put in the ground this morning. Just hoping I can nurse and love them to great health and vibrancy here in the valley.
• I experienced pains near the intensity of childbirth. Got to go to the ER and the determined that I was border lined between a kidney infection and UTI. Ouch. Reminder that my body is still healing and that my immune system is not yet normal. Grrr… but this will improve with time.
• Honestly, the kids were great and I just got to sit back and watch them have fun.  This is my favorite kind of mothering.
• Deep conversation. Mr. & Mrs. McAwesome are very, very, very smart people. It is refreshing to have deep, intellectual conversations. About politics, about parenting, about religion… the list goes on and on. Loved the conversations of the week.

Okay, so you’re wondering what was the breakthrough with Nathan.

On our last night, while getting my boy ready for bed, he started telling me how much he as going to miss Superman and Spunky. This discussion turned to how he was going to miss me when I died. While he has brought up death since I have been sick, this was the first time he ever said, “When you die of cancer.”

When I was first diagnosed, I know he had a conversation with some of the kids in our friends group about cancer and dying. A teenager that greatly influenced my nephew and our friend’s kids died last year and I am pretty sure one of the kids talked to him about how she had died. We have talked about death… but never like this.

I tried to reassure him that my doctor said that they killed the cancer and that I am healthy. I talked to him about how the chemo and radiation fought the ‘bad guys’ and won. We talked for quite a while and finally, I said, “Nathan, you are 5 years old and all you need to think about are cars and dinosaurs and riding your bike.” With tears streaming down his face he asked me, “Mommy, how can I think about those things when all I can think about is you.”

I was speechless. Just hugged my crying boy and cried along with him. 

It kills me that he has carried these kinds of heavy thoughts and burdens. However I am so glad that he has finally expressed his fears and let go of just a little bit of the stress that he has been carrying. Honestly, Nathan has done an amazing job being the son of a cancer patient. He has not significantly acted out, he hasn’t regressed in behavior or cognitive learning, he hasn’t shut down. He has actually thrived and taken every bump without much issue. I personally believe there is great freedom in sharing and releasing deep emotions such as this, so I am so grateful that he is beginning to let things go. Poor boy… incredibly strong little man.

I love him. I love him a lot. 

Joppa Family - June 2012

Nathan and Superman in the spa.
(Showing off their dinosaur and camel figurines.)

Superman (6 yrs), Nathan (5 yrs),
Spunky (4 yrs) and Leah (week shy of 2 yrs)
"Best Buds"

One Week Ago…

Today marked a full week since my 30^th and final radiation treatment. The day was super busy and full of celebration and food. Lots of food. It was a day that I was not a focused whole-food, fruit and veggie, whole grains, and being an example of healthy eating change. I was naughty… and it was delicious.

When I walked into the Cancer Center, I was surprised and blown away to be greeted by one of the ladies that I had sat with through the first couple of weeks of radiation. With a huge smile, she stood there with open arms and a bouquet of helium balloons. We had become e-mail buddies over the past month and this new “sister” had remember me on my LAST day of treatment and showed up to celebrate. I was, and am, humbled by her kindness.

As I walked into the dressing room, the techs let me know that I could come back as soon as I was ready. It took about 10 seconds to change into the gown. I marched myself right into the radiation area, clapped my hands and energetically said, “Let’s get this done!” I raced to the table, they lined the lasers up, the machine did its thing, I sang a song of praise louder than the sound of the buzzing… and then it was all over. My last radiation treatment. The last time I would have to stare at my scared reflection in the glass ceiling tiles. I deeply hope that it was the last time I will ever have to step foot in that room again. My gown did not go back into my cubby; instead, it shoved into the laundry bin. In fact, I took my nameplate off of my cubby, waded that thing up, and tossed it in the trash! I met with the doctor for a few minutes and then jammed out of there as if I was late for an appointment. However, I was not late for anything. I was just free.

Two dear friends that have been helping watch the kids throughout treatment took me out to lunch to celebrate. A kid free lunch and an amazing dish of Thai curry was the perfect reward for finishing treatment. Then we went back to the house and Erika had made a rum cake for dessert. I am not a huge fan of cake, but this stuff is beyond amazing. When I had tasted it before I begged for the recipe… seriously beyond yummy.

I took the kids home, we all rested and then I prepared dinner. Our friends came over to celebrate with us and to enjoy the tri-tip Eric barbequed. We ate ourselves silly and then Holly brought out a special triple layer red velvet cake that she had made for me/us. The word ZERO shouted that my long countdown of appointments and treatment are finally over. It was magically scrumptious! The kind of cake that could possibly make me change my tune and say I like cake. So, so, so good!

After everyone left & the kids were in bed, Eric brought out the bottle of wine that we bought last year on our Napa anniversary trip that we had been saving for a “special occasion.” Together, under the stars, we sipped, celebrated, thanked God, and breathed relief that we had survived the past 10 months.

Yes, it was a day of a million calories. It was a day of floating on air. It was a day of feeling set free. And in true Joppa fashion, throughout the night Eric serenaded me with the theme song to Greatest American Hero:

Believe it or not,

I'm walking on air.

I never thought I could feel so free-.

Flying away on a wing and a prayer.

Who could it be?

Believe it or not it's just me.

To top it all off, last week I was able to enjoy a celebratory massage. Several months ago a friend gifted me two massages with an amazing gal here in the area certified by the Healing Arts Institute in Oncology Massage. What a blessing this treat has been. Danette has become a cheerleader and support (physically, mentally, food wise & spiritually) throughout treatment and wanted to be sure to see me through complete healing... what a treat to be blessed with this kind of special gift. 

I celebrated hard, totally over booking my schedule and making sure to squeeze in more fun than one should have in a week. As a reminder that I am still healing, my body rejected the fun and finally put me in bed for a day. I knew I didn't feel good but when Nathan said I had "Sick Eyes" and Eric said I looked "Chemo Sick" it was clear that I really had pushed myself too hard. I have been reminded that it did not take a day for my body to get to this place... I need to take time to rest and heal as well. 

What joy and peace and thankfulness that this journey is all over I have enjoyed this past week. Sure, I still have a painful sunburn (radiation burn) that needs to fully heal and a port that needs to be flushed out and funky hair that needs to grow to a decent length. Nevertheless, I am free to enjoy each day and focus on the life I am here to live. And that’s just what I’m gonna do.

Hugs and love to all of you!

*** If you are looking for a massage therapist or know somebody going through cancer treatment or other chronic pain where massage would help in the healing process, I cannot recommend Danette enough. Her studio is in her home, so it is a very comfortable, peaceful environment and she is just the sweetest (most positive) person you'll ever meet. If you are interested, her email is danettecmt@gmail.com .